Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
