So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
