Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
