come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
