wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
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I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
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SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Drunk is a universal language darling
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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