Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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