It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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