I'm laying in your front yard are you home
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
