i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
