Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
