umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
