Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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