i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
