Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
