he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
