The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
