You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
