Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
NoShamevember. You game?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
