Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
