If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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