i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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