I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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