he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Randomize
