Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
you never un-have a 4some
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
