Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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