I am full of burrito and curiosity
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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