I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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