And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i used baking grease as lip gloss
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
