Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
