My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
