was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
