she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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