I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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