my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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