I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
