Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
