Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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