he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
