i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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