Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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