My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
