Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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