You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
