so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
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Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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