i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
