It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
