She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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