i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
