I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
