I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
