i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
