barbara walters just said penis...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
im on a boat
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