brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
