my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
