went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
