buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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