dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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