I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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