We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
