First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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