so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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