Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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