New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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