I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
