awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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