we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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