Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
