dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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