I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
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In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
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I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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