So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
