I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
